2yr Old won't try new food and ...

[yonghanwu]

Hi, everyone:

This is my first post here. I want to ask for help as I am a very frustrated mom, and also share some experiences. Apologies in advance for the ranting. But I feel I need to give the background enough for my question to make sense.

My 2-year old has not be a good eater since weaning. During weaning time when she was about 8 months I went back to work and deligated the feeding to grandma--Grandma have had 3 children and always acted knowledgeable and this is my first child. I still haven't forgiven myself for believing her theory that "kids are naughty when eating when they see their moms in sight". She will sit my daughter on her lap, hold her hands with one hand so she doesn't wave the spoon away, and feed her with the other hand. 20% of the time grandma has a successful and happy feed, but a lot of times not. My baby sometimes were so upset and she cries with tears and with mouth stuffed with food when she saw me. ... I'll never forgive grandma (I love grandma but I won't forgive her for this) and myself for having caused such stress and unpleasant experience at her younger age.

That went on for a couple of months and we finally decided grandma's method was totally wrong. Partly also because as my daughter grew older she is stronger and more determined and thus it has become impossible for grandma to cajole any food in her. We got a nanny then who had better meal time experience with my daughter.

She goes to nursery nowadays and eats ok according to nursery staff. But they do mention that it is very difficult to encourage her to eat well like other kids. Usually it takes her over 1 hour to eat half of what other kids eat in 20 minutes. When she gets back home, she won't try anything new at dinner, won't sit at dinner table unless we put the kids' program DVD on. Her natural reaction to an incoming spoon is to use her hand to push it away without looking, even when she is reasonably hungry. I know this because she understands some food names now and I have to call to her attention what is in the spoon, she'll look then open her mouth. Or sometimes she'll push the spoon away, then I follow the standard advice that "you should take food away without being upset when they say no", then she realized and opened her mouth and says "ah, ah" wanting food. When this happens I happily thought I can resume her meal but she'll push my spoon away again without looking just after the 1st spoon.

It is not that she just wants to feed herself instead If I give her the spoon she'll play with the food but not try to feed herself. She hasn't quite mastered the spoon yet. So at times she seems really hungry she'll give the spoon a try for a few seconds and give it up if she can't get stuff in her mouth. If I try to help her in situations like that she'll grab both her spoon and my spoon, or if not still not let me feed her in my spoon even if she can't get food on her own. Then she'll get frustrated and starts to tantrum.

I do give her finger food and put ranges of food on her plate in front of her, following advice saying "kids will eat when they are hungry". When she picks she'll only eat frankferter sausages and fish fingers but not veges. When the plate does not have those then she'll hover her little hand on top of the plate and make a round, touch one or two using the tip of her fingers, ignore the foods, then in 5 or 10 minutes throw a big tantrum asking for a bottle of milk.

You get the picture now. I am very lost as to how I can gradually walk out of this behavior problem and make her really want to eat herself and try new things. Please help!

[isabellasmum]

I would focus on happy family mealtimes, all of you sitting round the table eating together, absolutely no spoon feeding as she is old enough to feed herself and it sounds like she's had a bad experience with spoon feeding.

Let her get involved with shopping for and preparing meals, let her choose a new bowl/plate/cutlery if she wishes and then at mealtimes designate a reasonable amount of time for you all to sit together and eat. After that time take the food away and end the mealtime.

I would ignore her when she doesn't eat and give lots of praise when she does. If she is filling up on milk then you need to stop the bottles so this isn't an option. Let her choose a new 'big girl' cup and give her a small amount of milk in this with her meal but limit this.

My little girls often plays up at teatime, usually tiredness, we ignore her, she doesn't get pudding/yoghurt and then goes to bed without eating. I used to feel bad that she'd be hungry but she was offered food that she refused to eat it so that's her choice - she's never woken in the night hungry.

[jewel]

Originally Posted by isabellasmum

I would focus on happy family mealtimes, all of you sitting round the table eating together, absolutely no spoon feeding as she is old enough to feed herself and it sounds like she's had a bad experience with spoon feeding.

Let her get involved with shopping for and preparing meals, let her choose a new bowl/plate/cutlery if she wishes and then at mealtimes designate a reasonable amount of time for you all to sit together and eat. After that time take the food away and end the mealtime.

I would ignore her when she doesn't eat and give lots of praise when she does. If she is filling up on milk then you need to stop the bottles so this isn't an option. Let her choose a new 'big girl' cup and give her a small amount of milk in this with her meal but limit this.

My little girls often plays up at teatime, usually tiredness, we ignore her, she doesn't get pudding/yoghurt and then goes to bed without eating. I used to feel bad that she'd be hungry but she was offered food that she refused to eat it so that's her choice - she's never woken in the night hungry.

This is fantastic advice and I couldn't have put it better myself.

It is very sad that your lo has had this traumatic start with feeding but like Abbie has said, I would definately stop the spoon feeding. You will be amazed how quickly your lo will respond once you start ignoring her poor reaction to food and praising her good behaviour. I'm sure she'll love chosing her big girl cup/beaker and plate.

P.s, welcome to the site and keep us posted with your progress!

T x

[yonghanwu]

Thank you sooooo much ladies!

I took the behavioral suggestion and also diluted her milk if she insists on some during the day time (she gets her regular milk getting up and before bed, but she usually prefers milk to meals during the day as well), completely banned biscuits and cut down on the amount of snack (which she wasn't bothered at all). I got nursery to align the approaches as well.

She demonstrated much healthier appetite. At a few meals when the food was to her liking, she fed herself with both a spoon and both hands and finished the food of the amount never seen in past meals all by herself. It is such a relief to see her eat happily!

I do have one more question that I'd like people to comment on: in a nutshell: for hungry but picky eaters, do you give in and make them the things they like, or do you ignore them and only serve what is available for dinner?

There was one dinner where she was really hungry. Dad got her home from nursery she rushed to the kitchen and climbed up her booster chair and sat down. Grandma cooked very delicious food (tofu pork stew in Taryaki sauce and yummy sauteed steam aubergine) and it was served. She anxiously took a spoon, taste it a bit, spat it out, and started to agitate. That was when I got home from work. She ran over to me and said, "mommy, dinner!", so I went to the kitchen and sat down with her. Taking the food and praised how she is a "big girl" and can already feed herself. She looked at her bowl, gave it another stingy try, then started crying. Tears coming out as if she was being treated badly and being starved. In the end she ended up eating brioche, ham and a banana -- a strange combination she chose. Should I have stuck out, or make things she likes? There are only a very limited number of things she likes. I am torn because if I only make those it is definitely not a balanced diet, yet in situations like above I feel guilty if I insist that they eat things they don't like, they'll stay hungry and cranky and still not eat? What's your opinion/suggestion?

[DrP]

I'd be inclined to say that meal times have been enough of a battle already and that maybe you should give her a bit of both, what she likes and what is new, or perhaps going to be problematic. Offer her both on the same plate and praise her if she tries or eats the disliked food. By doing that you should be able to avoid offering a substitute meal if the one she is offered isn't eaten as that could quickly become a habit.

If you are all sitting down together to meals then let her try food off your plate if she shows any interest. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly my little fella will eat my dinner some days and not his own, even when it's the same thing.

[jewel]

I'm glad you've had some success, well done.

I agree with DrP, give a bit of both. If I give the girls a dinner I know they'll eat, i'll always try and put something new on the plate or something that they've previously rejected. Ruby my eldest always says she doesn't like carrots, but i will always put a couple on her plate. Sometimes she'll try, sometimes she won't. But when she does she always gets praise.

Use the same principal above if giving her something new as a meal - put something on there you know she'll eat. That way you are not giving in and making her another meal - she can just eat what she likes and hopefully try the new meal - if that makes sense?!?!

Well done though...

T x

[yonghanwu]

Thanks for the suggestion on putting both kinds of food on her plate! I'll try that.

A few days into implementing: limit milk, cut out biscuits completely, and let her eat herself with praises, she has been eating much better both at nursery and at home. However she doesn't seem to have taken in enough total amounts though. She's been waking up for a few nights crying for milk - yet these nights she has been had quite ok amount of dinner and before-bed milk. Before bed we normally give her 8 ounces of milk, then she ask for milk again and again before finally willingly going to sleep. We ended up, for every of these nights, giving her between at least 12 ounces to (yesterday) 2 and half bottles (21 ounces!!!).

She still woke up at about 1:30 screaming for milk. I calmed her down and ignored her request (I read that 2-yr olds should get like something like 15 ounces each day. She does get her morning bottle which is about 7 ounces already). She was cranky but was able to go back to sleep. Then she woke up again at 5:30 and no way could go back to sleep and had to take another bottle.

Something I've done wrong? I thought maybe they get hungry at night they'll learn to eat more in the day. My little one seems to fill up easily and thus want to eat more frequently. That's probably she has been peckish on snacks in the past all the time. I would hate to go back to give her more snacks because that's a sure route to her taking only 2 or 3 spoons at lunch or dinner. Very confused, what else can I do?

[rachaelmae]

It sounds like comfort rather than hunger, if she drinks that much milk over night it will impact her appetite the next day, either dont give it or try water instead, or very very watered down milk.
Let her chose a cup, which she can take to bed with water in and tell her once its gone theres no more..

I would offer what your having to eat (make sure theres something she will eat there) ignore any food refusal and praise like a wild thing when she does finish a meal (or acceptable amount)

good luck, sounds like your heading in the right direction!

[DrP]

Is is possible that she is just thirsty rather than actually being hungry when she is waking and looking for a bottle. Perhaps try her with a drink of water at night if she wakes up. My LO would willingly drink milk all day long if I let him but I give him a bottle first thing and last thing and that's it. The rest of the time he gets water, and maybe once a week a diluted smoothie. I make sure he always has a cup of water accesible and if he starts looking for a bottle during the day I just give him his cup of water.

Regarding snacks my LO is generally a good eater, but when he is having off times and not eating as much as I feel he should at meal times then I try and give him more than 3 meals a day, basically instead of snacks (which I try to avoid) I essentially give him another small portion of a meal as a finger food snack. So he might get some veg sticks and pasta, fruit and cheese, some brown bread sandwiches. I try and sit down with him for these and have some fruit or something myself so that it is like another mini meal time, rather than just giving him snacks to get on with himself (which he will just peck at and which defintely ruin his meal time).

If your LO is used to having had smaller meals and snacks then she might not yet be physically able to sit down and eat enough in one sitting to fully satisfy her needs. Maybe try a mid afternoon mini meal if that is possible and gradually reduce the size of that and increase the size of her other meals as she improves with her eating.

All in all it sounds like you are making great progress. Just be patient and I'm sure things will all work themselves out. After all your LO has had a long time of not eating properly and has to learn a lot of new habits now so it will all just take time as you all find your way and get into better habits.

[charlottes4929]

Hi,
I was just wondering how it was all going for you??
My daughter is two and was taken off all food due to allergies and illness for 3 months.
Then would not go back onto food due to a massive food phobic!
We go to a feeding clinic at the hospital and my daughter is now eating a few bits but not alot.
We were told to let her eat what ever she wants regardless of what is and for as long as she was/is willingly putting food in her mouth by herself we were told that is fine. We can push for diff foods when she is older and use stickers but for now she is two - so we just have to go with it.
However she does have a special milk to get all she needs.

I am so very proud that my daughter now eats (even thou it's not much) and I hope you are also very proud of how far your daughter come. xx

Originally Posted by yonghanwu

Hi, everyone:

This is my first post here. I want to ask for help as I am a very frustrated mom, and also share some experiences. Apologies in advance for the ranting. But I feel I need to give the background enough for my question to make sense.

My 2-year old has not be a good eater since weaning. During weaning time when she was about 8 months I went back to work and deligated the feeding to grandma--Grandma have had 3 children and always acted knowledgeable and this is my first child. I still haven't forgiven myself for believing her theory that "kids are naughty when eating when they see their moms in sight". She will sit my daughter on her lap, hold her hands with one hand so she doesn't wave the spoon away, and feed her with the other hand. 20% of the time grandma has a successful and happy feed, but a lot of times not. My baby sometimes were so upset and she cries with tears and with mouth stuffed with food when she saw me. ... I'll never forgive grandma (I love grandma but I won't forgive her for this) and myself for having caused such stress and unpleasant experience at her younger age.

That went on for a couple of months and we finally decided grandma's method was totally wrong. Partly also because as my daughter grew older she is stronger and more determined and thus it has become impossible for grandma to cajole any food in her. We got a nanny then who had better meal time experience with my daughter.

She goes to nursery nowadays and eats ok according to nursery staff. But they do mention that it is very difficult to encourage her to eat well like other kids. Usually it takes her over 1 hour to eat half of what other kids eat in 20 minutes. When she gets back home, she won't try anything new at dinner, won't sit at dinner table unless we put the kids' program DVD on. Her natural reaction to an incoming spoon is to use her hand to push it away without looking, even when she is reasonably hungry. I know this because she understands some food names now and I have to call to her attention what is in the spoon, she'll look then open her mouth. Or sometimes she'll push the spoon away, then I follow the standard advice that "you should take food away without being upset when they say no", then she realized and opened her mouth and says "ah, ah" wanting food. When this happens I happily thought I can resume her meal but she'll push my spoon away again without looking just after the 1st spoon.

It is not that she just wants to feed herself instead If I give her the spoon she'll play with the food but not try to feed herself. She hasn't quite mastered the spoon yet. So at times she seems really hungry she'll give the spoon a try for a few seconds and give it up if she can't get stuff in her mouth. If I try to help her in situations like that she'll grab both her spoon and my spoon, or if not still not let me feed her in my spoon even if she can't get food on her own. Then she'll get frustrated and starts to tantrum.

I do give her finger food and put ranges of food on her plate in front of her, following advice saying "kids will eat when they are hungry". When she picks she'll only eat frankferter sausages and fish fingers but not veges. When the plate does not have those then she'll hover her little hand on top of the plate and make a round, touch one or two using the tip of her fingers, ignore the foods, then in 5 or 10 minutes throw a big tantrum asking for a bottle of milk.

You get the picture now. I am very lost as to how I can gradually walk out of this behavior problem and make her really want to eat herself and try new things. Please help!