The Feeding Issue

[Ellie H]

OK, so I'm gonna be honest here. I am totally undecided on how to feed Baby H.

With Ethan, before he was born, I was really gung-ho about breast feeding. It was gonna be breast all the way for my baby......or so I thought. Then when real life took over and things didn't go to plan and I had to formula feed him, I beat myself up about it for months. Partly because I was not open minded in the first place. I think this issue had alot to do with my PND.

Now Baby H is on the way and I really don't want to spend another 18 months lost in a fog of depression. I want to at least try breastfeeding but don't know if I would want to continue. Partly because I know I can cope with bottle feeding, and if I'm feeling low it's one less worry and partly because I want my children be treated the same. I'm just so confused. I'm worried that descisions I make on this issue could lose me friends or mean I am judged as a mother. How daft is that?

Is any of this making any sense? What I really want to know is what made the mums of more than one child decide how to feed their subseqent children? Did you decide before they were born or after? How have you coped with your choices?

Alot of questions I know! I'm so confused.

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[vickiepower]

big hugs hunny, i was adament i was going to bf thomas. unfortunately the trauma of his birth, him being in NICU, lack of support meant i only managed for 3 weeks. When time comes for another baby, i think i will want to BF again but until time comes and your in that situation you dont know what will happen IYSWIM
all i can say hun is that no matter what way you feed your babies doesnt make you a bad mum. my brother was BF and i wasnt, hasnt changed the way i feel about my mum, i know that she did the best for me xxx

[Nickit]

Hi Ellie,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I really wanted to breastfeed Isabelle and I firmly believe I did all I could to achieve that goal, going to lots of support groups when things were not going to plan. I shed many tears and mixed fed her until 4 months when I gave up breastfeeding altogether.

This time round I have been as determined as I was with Isabelle but OMG it's so much harder when there's a demanding toddler running around and taking up your time. I was in floods of tears when I was told I had to top up Oliver and am even now doubting if feeding is going well enough (back to exclusively BFing). We don't have family close by so talk of 'babymoons' to help supply is impossible for me.

Now I am rational enough to know that I should trust my instincts and that I have again done all I can to feed him BUT there is such a big emotional pull to BFing (for me) that I will still be very disappointed if I have to make the switch (even partly) to formula.

I am at the point now though of thinking that with this stress and worry I am missing out at times on enjoying Isabelle and Oliver and that if I go formula route then I will be able to relax a bit more.

So, I'm probably not much help although I am beginning to come round to the point of view that I've done all I can and if I have to stop then so be it, I should celebrate the 8 weeks that I have achieved. At least my ramblings perhaps show that you're not alone?!

xx
PS Anyone who judges you on how you feed your child is a fool and it's not worth having their opinion anyway.

[vickiepower]

Originally Posted by Nickit

PS Anyone who judges you on how you feed your child is a fool and it's not worth having their opinion anyway.

here here!!!! sick of people that judge you for not being able to BF!!!

[Imosmummy]

Big hugs ellie, if you lose friends over the issue then their not friends are they?
I was 100% about breastfeeding, i had done a big assignment on it in the maternity hospital as past of my training, i had to observe mothers doing it, get up close and personal and everything, in fact if i'm honest i was very narrow minded and criticised mothers that bottle fed as selfish and lazy (i am now VERY sorry) as it happened george (and then Imo) refused the breast, despite a long stay in hospital, countless phone calls from the breast feeding helpline, and MIL who had BF for ages, none of it worked and i felt really upset and a failure, but thankfully it didnt make me depressed.
With Imo i was determined to do it and went to a local support group for several weeks, watched ho other mothers latched them on, and thought this time it would work. But no, again mo wouldn't latch on despite lots of help. For some reason neither of them would bring down their bottom lip far enough, or even seem to have the rooting reflex, for some unknown reason.
After Imo i actually let go of alot of the guilt i had with george as it reinforced to me that despite it being a natural thing id didnt come naturally iykwim. I expressed for 6 weeks with george, 2 or 3 times a day so he would have some BM, but also in the hope that at one point i would put him on and he would suddenly get it, which of course he didnt. The expressed for about 3 weeks with Imo.
This is a stupid thing to say but i was embarrassed about not BF so i used to make hubby get the formula when i wasnt with him cuz i didnt want people to see me buying it, especially when they were very young, stupid i know.
If (heaven forbid) i have another i would again try my best but if it doesn't work then hey ho, i tried and they were happy and healthy on formula.
Do what feels best for you, yes BM is far better but not if its going to make you suffer again, and Ethan was fine on formula, he sounds like a thriving happy little boy xxxx

[iwantone]

Obviously I don't have experience with making feeding decisions with number 2 yet but just wanted to say try not to stress out about it now. What will be will be. I understand when you say you want to treat both your kids the same but the main thing is we are doing what is best for our children and we love them soooooo much not whether we bf them or not. No one can judge you for doing what is best for you and your child and people who look down on you are just uppity and not worth the time of day as far as i'm concerned. x

[acad]

((((((huge hugs))))))))))) i agree if you lost friends over this they aren't really friends

for me thought i would give it a go with Aub's didn't work out , wasn't too bothered and she was happy, healthy on the bottle

with Will's she was going straight on the bottle, didn't even consider breast feeding

You do what you feel best hun, it's your decision xxxxxx

[isabellasmum]

Ellie, my pal didn't attempt to bf her 1st and now has just given birth to her second. She'd decided in pg she wanted to give bf a go but felt guilty that she hadn't for first and subsequently worried that it was unfair to then do it for number 2.

I don't know what she's decided as not seen her and baby yet (can't wait!) but will let you know what she decides and how she gets on

[Imosmummy]

Also when i was pregnant i bumped into a pregnant friend (who after we had our boys became my best friend, or breast friend as i ended up calling her lol) and i had just that moment bought a breast pump, as i was being prepared for my breastfeeding etc, anyways she found this hilarious and said there was no ways she was going to breastfeed. How it turns out is that i couldn't breast feed, and when she gave birth 5 days later, her mum (a former midwife) plonked the baby on the breast at birth while she was kinda sparked out, and she happily breastfeed for 16 months and it was totally natural to her. Maybe my kids could sense that i was so uptight and anxious about it, wheres she was so relaxed it went well, i dont know, only an idea i torture myself with

[Ellie H]

It's good to hear all these different experiences so keep 'em coming ladies!

I honestly thought I would want to try breastfeeding again, but the guilt of not being able to do it for Ethan and the worry of PND is really praying on my mind.

I know this is pressure I'm putting on myself and Mr H is happy whatever we choose.

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