why can't i get over this?!

[Bubba82]

a few weeks before xmas i told my mum a massive 'thing' (those of you that i'm close to know what it was) wasn't planning on it coming out before xmas was gonna wait till after but she was trying to put a guilt trip on me over something and i saw red and blurted it all out, anyway basically she rejected me and has basically disowned me, i haven't heard from her since and i am not going to contact her first as i'm very angry about how she has treated me, but i just can't seem to let how she has treated me go.

i know how i feel about my children and i thought that's how every mother felt about her children and i would NEVER treat my children how she has treated me, she even tried to blame me for her not believing me saying i had pushed her away and brought up a falling out i'd had with my brother's girlfriend!! i mean wtf that had to do with it i'll never know!! but i'm still hurting so much from how she has treated me over the 'thing' how she doesn't seem to care about me and part of me (quite a big part) wants her to hurt as much as i'm hurting

i cope fine through the day but it's at night when i can't sleep that i have to battle my demons and when i think about it which upsets me to tears i'm the most anrgy and hurt i've ever been and never thought in a million years that my MUM the person who carried me for 9mths, gave birth to me & raised me, the person i thought loved me no matter what would have treated me like this.

as much as i try i can't talk to OH about how i'm still hurting coz he just doesn't understand and he gets angry, not at me but at that fact i'm hurting because of someone else. He tries to make me feel better by saying about how good our future is going to be and our lovely little family that we have BUT i will never shed the scars i carry from the 'thing' that happened and i can't see me getting over the hurt from my mum, why can't i just let this go and stop tormenting myself??

[hiann]

oh honey, hugs!

Have you thought abt talking it thru with a friend or a counsellor? Dont really know what to say but thinking of you.

[rachaelmae]

Massive hugs sweetie, these things take time

People dont always react as we want them to or would ourselves which makes it hard to understand how they feel or hard to deal with what ever the issue is iyswim?

Did you look over the links i sent you? sometimes a non involved party to chat to is all you need, but counselling is worth thinking about.

You cant move on overnight and rejection from our mothers is very difficult to accept.

you know where i amxxxxxx

[Bubba82]

no not yet RM i keep kidding myself that i can deal with it on my own! will go look at them now

[acad]

Hugs lovely xxxx

[Bubba82]

Originally Posted by hiann

oh honey, hugs!

Have you thought abt talking it thru with a friend or a counsellor? Dont really know what to say but thinking of you.

it's hard to talk about Hiann, if i talk about what happened it makes what happened reality iykwim and i feel a huge amount of shame, i don't want people i know looking at me pitying me or talking to someone else and saying omg did you hear what happened to her

[Claire76]

I agree with Rach hun but you know that anyway. Always here for you, of course it hurts, she's your mum xxxxxxxxx

[Tam]

Right Missy, you know how I feel about this whole thing already but its time for tough love

Your mum (I think) feels too guilty over what happened to face you and it is easier for her to push you away and blame you for it.
What she is doing is wrong and bringing old things up is her way of pushing you further away.
You dont want to talk about it cos that makes it really and I think your mum thinks if she doesnt see you then it didnt happen.
(she needs a slap with a fish)

YOU NEED to make that appointment with the councillor, I thought you had already done it which is why I havent mentioned it again

This is something that you need to talk about in order to get over it, you cant bury this stuff, it will only get worse trust me.

Here goes...I was raped at the age of 13 sweetie and I have NEVER told any of my family, I did however finally tell my doctor when I was 18 who referred me to a therapist who I only saw a few times but managed to help me so much that I was able to stop taking my tablets for the first time in nearly 3 years.
I felt much better being able to talk about it and the doctor helped me to understand that it wasnt my fault, I didnt ask for it, I felt ashamed because I didnt scream or cry out, I just let him get on with it because I was so scared. That was okay and normal to feel like that because I was only a child and he was the adult but I didnt do anything wrong. I never wanted to feel like a victim but not talking about it made me feel like one adn I never noticed that until I actually spoke about it.

I think you need to do that same sweetie, it really does help.

Your OH cant really help because he cant stand to see you hurting so he will automatically go on the rampage (I wanna come down and do it with him if im honest)
No on will ever hurt my Haylo

Babe, i love you so much and I cant stand to see you like this, if your mum finds it easier not to see you then you have to accept that and carry on, It wont be ease but you have all of us but you need to make sure that you never treat your babies like that because we can admit to our own mistakes and clearly she cant.

But in all honesty you are super awesome so some people just cant handle the awesomeness that is YOU and they dont deserve to be near you !

[oliviarhia]

i dont know whats happened but {{{{huge hugs }}}}. i dont know what else 2 say really apart from u have some very special friends who sound like they will help u and hopefully u can get it sorted. xxxx

[rachaelmae]

Hugs Tamwarxxxxx