How do you punish your 4 year olds?

EvansMum · #1 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 09:48

When Evan is bad I normally take toys/tv/storys away and sometimes use the naughty step or put him in his room but occasionally he goes into one and starts screaming. Normally I would just ignore him and when I lived in my old house thats exactly what i done but when we moved here the next door neighbour started complaining about his noise so I kept pandering too him, talking to him trying to get him to stop screaming and now still at 4 years old he keeps screaming!

This morning Evan threw a paddy, cant even remember what it was over, I gave him loads of warnings and he didnt do as he was told so I put him on the naughty spot in the hall way where he kept screaming and kicking. It was 6.30 so I kept asking him to stop screaming/told him if he carried on he wouldnt get the tv back on and stuff but he wouldnt listen and carried on. he is such an angry child.

anyway, just had next door knocking on the door AGAIN to moan, I can understand its not nice but I explained to her that Evan is 4 and I told him to stop screaming but he carried on. But she said if it carrys on shes going to ring the lettings agency again (shes complained to them a few times and they basically said to me that some people just get a bee in their bonnet about stuff!) and that she would report it to social services because its not normal behaviour

I am sitting here typing this in tears. I cant believe she would do that. I know he is a noisy child but I am not a bad mum. My son is well loved, he gets everything he needs, he is well looked after. Now she has made me feel like the worst mum in the world! I just dont know what to do anymore. How can I punish him without upsetting him? I keep telling him he mustnt scream but he is 4! If he wants to scream he will!

Any advice on how I can get Evan to stop screaming and how I can punish him without upsetting him will be very gratefully recieved!

DrP · #2 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 12:06

Tbh it sounds to me as if you are dealing with your son in exactly the right way. The whole poing of punishment is that it is a consequence of bad behaviour and yes it is going to be upsetting for your child. I know Freddie is younger but we have started dealing with his misbehaving in exactly the same ways you do. And yes it does involve tantrums and screaming at times - I don't know that there is any way around those. I just ignore them and get on with things and let him work it out himself. I do explain to him why he is being punished etc but there really is nothing that will stop him venting his frustration.

In all fairness you shouldn't have to change the way you are rearing your child just because it's bugging your neighbour (she sounds like a right stroppy cow) especially when you are clearly doing a great job.

isabellasmum · #3 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 12:06

Sounds like you are doing everything right but sadly small people are shouty and they have to learn what is acceptable behaviour.

I agree with naughty step, ignoring screaming and removing toys as punishment.

You have three options:

Get upset, cry, apologise to the bitch next door and pander to evan's every whim.

Gag him.

Explain to the bitch next door that your son is a person who is learning to verbalise his frustrations but doesn't yet have the control of his emotions that adults have or the common sense to understand the futility in screaming. Tell her that if she is hypersensitive to noise she should consider a detached house. Explain that social services are extremely busy dealing with children being physically, emotionally and sexually abused and might not have the capacity to reassure her that children make noise. Smile and tell her that Evan will eventually grow out of it but you might have a few more kids.

I will say 6.30am must be rough to overhear screaming, to me that is the middle of the night so you might need to let her know that he can't tell the time yet

CarlaK · #4 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 12:59

Can you complain about her? Sounds like harrassment to me. And to threaten to call the social services.....well. They will have better things to do with children who are genuinely being abused, than deal with that nosey bint.

If it was me, I would politely tell her that you know he is noisy, you are trying your best, but please don't call again.

Does she have a landlord? Tell them she is a bloomin' pest!

You can't change the way you deal with your son for fear of upsetting her. Good luck anyway.

carla · #5 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 22:20

i am loving Abby's advise

sounds like your doing everything right hun tell your neighbour shove off

jewel · #6 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 22:53

You are doing everything I would do. However, as hard as it is try and ignore the screaming. By getting worked up yourself you are giving him attention.

Let him scream and piss off the neighbour. Having said that I know how hard it is. I remember when I was doing controlled crying and the neighbour mentioned the crying the next day. Thankfully she was a mother to older children and was empathetic. A few nights of tears and screams and then quiet nights

persevere and stand firm. Ignore the tantrums and ignore the neighbour :-D

xx

kimjim · #7 (**permalink**) 17-12-10, 23:37

Massive hugs and I agree with what everyone else has said! Your neighbour sounds like a right twat and I'd either ignore her or tell her that! x

Claire76 · #8 (**permalink**) 22-12-10, 07:28

Finlay's a shouter and a screamer, reallllllllllly screams

Our neighbours hate us

Don't care though, it's what he does. have popped a note through their door and called round to see them to explain that he's going through a phase, nothing we can do but ignore it and ride it out and that it will get worse before it gets better so they will have to bare with us. They don't even really acknowledge us anymore, whereas when we first moved in they were all "let's meet for drinks" etc. Now we don't even get a hello. It was upsetting me at first cos I hate upsetting people but Finlay is 4, what do they expect?? He will stop but not when we pander to him. Tell her to mind her own and look for somewhere else to live if it bothers her that much, or recommend some earplugs. Silly bint.

EvansMum · #9 (**permalink**) 22-12-10, 08:13

Lol, Im loving all your replies. Thank you so much. I was feeling really upset about it before but now I couldnt care less. This women has done nothing but complain since the day we moved in. She moans about Evan's paddys, the noise on the stairs, us shutting doors, playing music... just about everything. I lived in my old house for 3 and a half years and never got 1 complaint, we have lived here a year and Ive lost count of the number of times she has moaned to us!

I explained to Evan that the lady next door told mummy off because of his screaming and he told me he wouldnt do it anymore but we will see how long that lasts. I know his crying and screaming isnt nice to hear, I dont exactly enjoy it, but he is 4 and if he wants to throw himself on the floor and throw a paddy he will!!!

cole · #10 (**permalink**) 22-12-10, 08:51

My neighbour is the opposite lol. It doesnt bother her at all when the kids go off on one. She probably would think they weren't normal if they didn't. I'd make more noise just to pee her off