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Old 22-10-09, 13:32
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Crying Temper Tantrums

My lo has recently started throwing extreme tantrums!!!

No matter what i seem to do, i always seem the bad guy

The tempers consist of screaming, shouting, crying and kicking out at me, but never to daddy.

Could it be because i'm pregnant and she thinks that i'm going to leave her out?

She will be 3 in January and i'm really worried.

The tempers only seem aimed at me, and it can be for the slightest thing.

I'm stressed, i feel like i've tried everything-please help.

Any tips or advice would be GREATLY appreciated.xx
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Old 22-10-09, 15:51
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Are you with her most of the time? I found my 2 are most likely to lash out at me as Im the one seeing them all the time iykwim? sometimes i think we get sick of each other

There are some good books which explain new babies to los... im having a mind blank and cant remember the title, hopefully someone will post soon and remember, it is a confusing time for lo, but also you need to deal consistantly with the tantrums, so she knows what response she will get, if your giving in she will soon see that as a way of getting what she wants! They will pass so dont worry.

Jessimae has had a few good ones lately aswell! maybe its the 3 year thing!
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Old 22-10-09, 16:01
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[quote=rachaelmae;214216]Are you with her most of the time? I found my 2 are most likely to lash out at me as Im the one seeing them all the time iykwim? sometimes i think we get sick of each other QUOTE]

That's exactly what I was going to say. I think as us mummies are the main person looking after the lo's and normally the ones who give the disipline, its normally us who get the tantrums aswell!!! Evan will be a mega pain for me all week, and then when he gos to his dads at the weekend, all I hear about is how well behaved he was

I think it is probably just her age too, im afraid! Evan was 3 in July and still throws a great tantrum! I used to just put him in his room and ride it out, but now, as soon as he starts to scream/throw himself on the floor/cry, I put his straight on the naughty step so he knows that that is not the way to behave.

Last edited by EvansMum : 22-10-09 at 16:04.
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Old 22-10-09, 22:09
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Isabella is very good at tantrums. Fingers crossed she hasn't been too bad the last couple of weeks but when she's on it she's incredible.
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Old 22-10-09, 22:33
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Ethan threw the mother of all tantrums last night. We are very aware that it is over attention being paid to Elodie.

It's not everyday but when he has them he has them with style.

There is some advice in the Toddler Taming book about tantrums when a sibling is on the way/has arrived.

I found when I was pregnant with Elodie that if I explained things simply so Ethan could understand what was going on and involved him/reassured him he was much better behaved.

It's a huge learning curve for them knowing that they're not the centre of your universe anymore.

(((Hugs)))

Last edited by Ellie H : 23-10-09 at 22:21.
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Old 22-10-09, 22:56
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I too am going through this, with only 6 weeks to go until new baby arrives. Never experienced the terrible twos, LO was 3 in June. He ran away from me the other day in a very busy shopping centre (he has never been a runner) and he knew I couldn't run after him, he has also started crying going to nursery which he didn't do before. I think he is just overwhelmed with all the new arrangements/changes/ new baby talk. Even although he is 3 I don't think he has any idea really what a new baby actually means! I could cry just thinking about him and really hope he is ok when the time comes. Feel a bit overwhelmed myself!
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Old 23-10-09, 09:07
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Love Thank you

Thanks everyone.

I've started to walk away and let her have her tantrum, but it's really heartbreaking hearing her crying.

Yeah, i'm the one thats with her most of the time, as daddy does nightshift and has to sleep through the day. She doesn't go to nursery or anything at the minute, so it is just usually me and munchkin all day-so i'm begining to agree she getting fed up with my company all the time.

Trying to find clubs and activites around my area suitable for her age group to make new friends, but there doesn't seem to be much, which is heartbreaking as she sees other children with their siblings or friends.

Hopefully things pick up soon.

Thanks again everyone.xxx
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Old 24-10-09, 14:08
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire76 View Post
Hi,


When I collected him from pre-school he asked me was I his Mummy again and it broke my heart.

Ok- while my daughter has some fairly major tantrums and I have been known to get annoyed with her, I have to be honest and say I think it is a fairly terrible thing to say to your son.

Claire, if I knew you in 'real' life and you told me this, I would have said to you that you shouldn't say that to your son, ever. You have said in the past that you find it hard to control your temper and he really knows what buttons to push.....he is a toddler- a baby; and it you think he is consciously making a note of what get a reaction and what doesn't- you are wrong. He just wants to get a reaction and you give him one. You said you have read 'Toddler Taming'- well the main message is that you are mainly responsible for his behaviour.

It is your responsibility to control yourself- and if he knows what buttons to push- then switch them off! Toddlers want attention- be it good or bad. I have worked with some disturbed older children and they have said- even someone shouting at me is better that nothing- no attention. You say the HV said what a naughty boy he is- well you and your hubby are the main influence on his life, so take responsibilty for it.

I know I am going to get a load of flak for this- but I thought long and hard about a reply and I didn't want other people to read what you said and use it to justify saying that to their child.

I am NOT perfect but I make a massive effort not to shout at my LO- my mum shouted at us all the time and it meant nothing to me; she shouted in front of others and at home and it become meaningless. My daughter is not perfect and I am in no position to judge anyone but I feel that saying nothing is condoning what you said.

I understand how hard it is and I spend a lot of time on my own with my daughter too- but perhaps you need to get some help so you can cope with his demanding behaviour.

I am sure I will offend you and others too- which wasn't my intention- but I really think that if you are at the stage of desparation that you say that to your boy, then you need to find someone to help you.

All the best though

CarlaK
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Old 24-10-09, 18:01
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I am not sure what it was that claire posted but think the response is a bit harsh.

As easy as it it to write on paper about not letting them push your buttons and not shout at them its simply not that easy.

I am often told how chilled out i am and how i dont lose my cool and how good Oliver is.

That said i am not ashamed to admit that yes he can push my buttons and yes i have shouted at him. I do not think there is a parent who can honestly say the same hasnt happened to them.

Im not going to get into what is and isnt acceptable behaviour for children or how it should be dealt with but comments like these are not "helpful"

yes parents are responsible for the majority of their childs behaviour but not the only factor. That would be like saying all criminals, drug addicts etc are the products of bad parents which simply isnt so.

its obvious that claire loves her little boy to pieces and is making efforts to improve her relationship with him. Its no secrect that she has has had a really rough time and that is bound to make her unsure of herself and others, a bit of support would be a huge encouragement to her.
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Old 24-10-09, 19:38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmbell View Post
I am not sure what it was that claire posted but think the response is a bit harsh.

As easy as it it to write on paper about not letting them push your buttons and not shout at them its simply not that easy.

I am often told how chilled out i am and how i dont lose my cool and how good Oliver is.

That said i am not ashamed to admit that yes he can push my buttons and yes i have shouted at him. I do not think there is a parent who can honestly say the same hasnt happened to them.

Im not going to get into what is and isnt acceptable behaviour for children or how it should be dealt with but comments like these are not "helpful"

yes parents are responsible for the majority of their childs behaviour but not the only factor. That would be like saying all criminals, drug addicts etc are the products of bad parents which simply isnt so.

its obvious that claire loves her little boy to pieces and is making efforts to improve her relationship with him. Its no secrect that she has has had a really rough time and that is bound to make her unsure of herself and others, a bit of support would be a huge encouragement to her.
well said hun. I think it was very harsh. I know you think it will be constructive help but not everybody benefits from it. I feel claire needed support and understanding, having a child that constantly misbehaves is hard, made even harder i'm sure by people judging.
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