#21 (permalink)  
Old 25-10-09, 00:03
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i haven't read Claire's post but think i've got the idea of what is being discussed here. But i don't anythink of any us should be telling each other how to be a parent. none of us are experts & we are all just muddling through as best we can. i'm annoyed that anyone should judge Claire or anyone else for that matter on what they do & don't do with their child. its noone else's business really & to post such criticism is a bit much. many of us don't know each other personally, we don't know the home situ, or the childs behaviour, so we've no right to make such comments. i've done & said things to my boy, that in hindsight i'd wish i hadn't done & are probably "wrong" in alot of peoples eyes, but i don't need anyone else to tell me so.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 25-10-09, 07:03
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I read Claire's post and when I did, my heart melted. Not because I thought she was a bad mummy, but because I understood how desperate she was.

I dont personally know Claire, I only know her through here and through facebook, but from what I gather she has tried everything to combat her sons bad behaviour and nothing seems to work and she is a mummy who is being seriously pushed to the edge. I am pretty certain that what she said to Finlay, she said when she was feeling so incredibly low and desperate and fed up and that she regretted it as soon as she said it, not that she intentionally said it to hurt him. So in my opinion, CarlaK's response of saying "oh you really shouldnt have said that to him" really isnt helping the matter. Im sure Claire knows this already!!! I have said and done things to Evan in temper that I have seriously regretted afterwards, and I really dont need people telling me it was wrong because I know that already! And Im sure other mummies on here have done exactly the same!!!

But, in Claire's case, saying what she said just so happened to work for her, and after she said it, Finlays behaviour improved. Claire was merely sharing her experience with the original poster (sorry, cant remember who it was now) and saying that she knows exactly what she is going through! Claire didnt suggest that we all say it, she didnt say that it was right or wrong, she was just sharing her experience!!!

I think that this has all been blown out of proportion and a fab, caring and loving mummy has been seriously hurt by all this, so I think we should all just leave it be now.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 25-10-09, 10:34
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At the end of the post, I stressed that if she felt that desparate, she should try and get some help.

Saying we all should all be supportive is a bit rubbish really. And so is saying we have all done it. Yes, we have- I have certainly done things that I felt bad about after. But being supportive is also saying- you shouldn't have said that and if you feel you have to be 'cruel to be kind' please get some help so you don't feel like this anymore.

I know my best friends have, in the past, had to say some fairly harsh things- especially when I was younger and acting like a div. (And I am not pretending that I am acting like a best friend/nor am I saying anyone is acting like a div on here.)

But just saying we should all be supportive and lovely is patronising. No-one doubts that all the mummies on here adore their children; but if anyone gets to the end of their tether, then they need to get some help. Which I stressed at the end of the post.
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Old 25-10-09, 13:30
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You know what carlak, what you said was way too harsh! Yes everyone is entitled to their own opinion but also you have to accept that everyone raises, disiplines and deals with stress differently! I know claire76 very well and it is not in her nature to say what she did ordinarily (sp) EVERYONE has said things they don't mean before, it just comes out! Claire is a fantastic mum and i do not agree with your comment that she is the blame for her LO's behaviour!! Toddlerhood is a very tough time for everyone and we should be supporting each other not 'telling off' one another, claire posted originally in support and to let other mums know that she also has a terrible tantrum thrower!!
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 25-10-09, 14:36
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Hi there

I don't know what Claire said and probably wouldn't comment anyway. I was just wondering if Claire (or anyone else) had read "Raising your spirited child". My daughter is only just getting to tantrum age but she has some pretty intense personality traits that could potentially turn into tantrums later on and someone has recommended this book to me. Just wondering if others would recommend it??
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Old 30-10-09, 21:55
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Hmmmm, just seen this and only skimmed it,

But AGGGGHHHH, why can't people comment and put their own take on things, why does everything have to be personal, this is the ONLY forum i know where everyone is so bloody protective of each other that it means that no-one can say what they actually think or feel.

Just disagree if you don't agree, but lets not turn it into an assassination of the person who dared to speak! Too many people have left this forum because they don't feel that they can speak out, what is left now is just a mere shell of what it was, and I wasn't about in the supposed halcyon days. Take it on the chin, respond in the manner that the post was raised and be fukcing adult about it.


Gah!
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 31-10-09, 22:14
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the comments made were personal & specifically named the individual & made the post specific to them & critiscised their actions, which is why many people have defended & got protective of the individual. i'd hope i too were defended if another person picked on me personally.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 31-10-09, 22:59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cathyg View Post
i'd hope i too were defended if another person picked on me personally.
Last thing I am going to say on the subject - you read picking on, I read stating an opinion.... huge difference!
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-09, 08:07
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I think if you post something so contraversal you have to expect your post will be discussed. IMHO i dont think anyone was picking on anyone. There is such a thing as constuctive criticism.

Sometimes we all need honest feedback.

It is possible for people to have differing opinions without it being personal and being picked on.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-09, 09:34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cathyg View Post
the comments made were personal & specifically named the individual & made the post specific to them & critiscised their actions, which is why many people have defended & got protective of the individual. i'd hope i too were defended if another person picked on me personally.
No they weren't. I wrote them, I know what I meant and I didn't mean them to be personal. I didn't name the individual- Claire wrote the post and I responded.

And I am massively offended that I have been referred to as 'picking on' someone just because I dared to criticise something anyone said. It is ridiculous to use such emotive language when I responded to something that was written.

And if you write something that I feel I have to respond too- and I don't agree with you, please feel free to defend yourself and don't suggest I am 'picking' on you. Even if it is to tell me I am talking 'b*****ks'. Because it is an open forum. Not just a 'give me a lovely answer and what I want to hear' forum.
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