How long before you give in?

[plumfairy113]

Hi All
I've been on here a lot about my fussy eater, but again I am so worried. He will be 2 at the end of May and I feel like he is controlling my life, not just with food but with everything, tantrums the lot.... I feel like a failure as a mum, I constantly feel people are watching me and judging me, especially when it comes down to his behaviour and meal times. He still will not eat, he is a snacker, I tried so hard on not letting him snack, but then I cannot cope with the moaning and crying and screaming for something to eat that he wants not what I want him to eat. I managed 5 days of this, of which he declined to eat anything & would only have his morning and evening milk, but by the end of the 5 days I was in tears and my hubby said this can't go on. What do I do? He won't try new foods, he just likes sausages (the worst thin ones you can get, won't eat proper meaty sausages), he eats waffles, milk (which he loves) some fruit, no veg, he loves treats like choc, biscuits, crisps etc etc.... I am at the end of my tether, it is controlling my life. I have bought so many fussy eater cook books, cook it all then end up throwing it away as he won't eat it, what really annoys me is that he won't even try it, it is like he has a fear of it. Has anyone got any ideas for me so I can cope through this. Yesterday at a family meal, my 2 nieces 4 years & 10 months both ate their food, but my little man threw his knife & fork across the table and had a major paddy, then my Mum gave him a yogurt to shut him up, I know this was wrong, but I just don't know what else to do. The screaming and tantrums will go on for ages. He is also permanently catching bugs, colds and infections which I think is from lack of healthy diet and he will not take the vitamin drops (he used to fine) but not anymore. Help, please....

[isabellasmum]

Big ((hugs)) that sounds so frustrating for you and him.

It's easy to give advise but it's you that's in that situation.

I stopped giving my daughter morning milk so she has more of an appetite for her breakfast (cereal or porridge both with milk)

When she is fussy (we have regular bouts) I cut out all snacks like you do and it generally takes about 3/4 days to take effect and she starts eating her meals again.

I would stop buying all crisps/chocolate/biscuits etc so you can't give in when he wears you down. It's such a difficult age where they are testing you to see what they can and can't do. If this has been a habit for some time now it will also take time to break those habits.

When it gets hard remember that no toddler has ever starved to death through stubborness. I read that in 'Toddler Taming' book someone on here loaned me and it's so true.

Tantrums are part and parcel of this age/stage so whereas you can try not to react to these and avoid them where possible there isn't a magic cure other than he will grow out of them.

My best advise would be to persevere with the healthy meals, all sit down as a family to eat the same, completely ignore any fussiness, don't offer snacks or alternative meals and when he does eat give lots of praise and encouragement.

It will be slow going but so rewarding when you get there.

In the meantime if you need some escapism come online and chat to us and we'll do our best to make you smile

xx

[Rachael1]

I can't give any better advice than that above.

All I can think of is to suggest basing meals around the things he does like - if he likes certain fruits you could try incorporating it into a meal - say grated apple in with cheese to melt on toast for example. Or banana in a creamy chicken curry. At least he might get something of the others along with his favourites.

You could try making your own biccies and cakes with less sugar and saturated fat. I would try keeping these until mealtimes and give as a dessert so at least he is getting what he likes but so it doesn't spoil appetite. You could try these muffins, with our without the prunes Banana and Prune Muffins, Raisin Bread Raisin Loaf, Banana and Fig Bread Banana and Fig Bread, or even a savoury cakey type bread for breakie Bacon/Sundried Tomato and Cheddar Bread. I now give Evie a bag of salt n shake, taking out the salt packet, as part of a meal, as in with sandwiches or bread and butter. And Sainsburys do Apple Crisps in multipacks which are good in the same way.

Just a few ideas anyway. Hth.x.

[plumfairy113]

Thanks so much. I think this is what I will have to do, keep coming on here for chats. It is so nice to speak to you all and I love reading all the posts. I'll keep in touch. Thanks again

[rachaelmae]

Isabellasmum is spot on, its hard but keep with it! They will eat when they are hungry and its amazing how little they can eat!! I think Jm went a week on milk and water before giving in!

When JM is being a pain with meals I will only give fruit as a snack as its not as filling and its up to her if she eats it or not! and if you dont buy crisps etc then they cant have it!!

good luck and keep with it!

ps when JM is really whinging i brought some ear plugs (terrible i know) but it helped!!xxxxxxxxx

[lucky]

Just remember you are not alone, and certainly not a bad mum. My Jack is very fussy also and that isn't from lack of trying. He always had homemade food from day 1 of weaning and now at 21 months it is often a battle and he too is the child at the table who won't eat his meal. I have a friend and her son is nearly 3 and she like you tears her hair out. He has never eaten and would go for days and days eating nothing bar a few yougurts. I think cutting out having his drink all the time helped a bit as he wasn't filling up on water/milk then not eating. My jack will eat spagetti bolognaise, most of the time although occasionally refuses this. I now make it following AK's hidden veg recipe so at least i'm getting some veg in him. I think this age is prime age of aserting control and meal times are great for this. Try and be strong, he will grow out of it, thats what i tell myself. big hugs x

[plumfairy113]

Thanks all. My Update, I am now on day 2 of not giving in, it is very very hard because he is moaning and attached to my legs alot of the time. I have used distraction by taking him out for a walk and painting, playing etc etc.... He was obviously hungry this morning after not eating his tea last night or having snacks as he woke up early and ate his cheerios (dry) & had his 6 oz milk. He was asking for more after so we went for a walk and then when we got back I left it a while then gave him a banana. Fingers cross I can stay strong, it is easier when hubby is here as he WON'T give in and the moaning doesn't bother him as much, he can ignore it so I tend to leave the room if I can't take anymore. I have started a food diary again to see what he is getting. Lunch, he tried but not much and has been asking for more and more so just gave him some fruit after I waited until he tried a sandwich. Lets see what happens at tea time!!! Thanks again. X

[isabellasmum]

Some really postive stuff there hon - well done you!!!


xx

[Rachael1]

Oh brilliant. Good for you. I wouldn't worry about not eating much for lunch tho - Evie sometimes has barely anything, sometimes a sandwich is literally one slice of bread folded over. But she just isn't that hungry some days. I don't really aim for her to eat everything I offer her, because basically sometimes she ain't that hungry and sometimes she might not genuinely fancy it. Fair enough, I think! Im the same some days. As long as you offer likes of the banana you did when he's peckish, rather than a biscuit, then that's great!

Stay strong, girl! It'll get easier

[matilda s mum]

hi plumfairy
glad today is going better.
you are really not a bad mum and it is frustrating when they won't don't eat.
can't add better advice than the ladies have already shared really - but agree that only offering one snack mid moning and one in the afternoon - as healthy as possible - will help mealtimes. don't give up or give in - you can do it.
good luck with tea time, which I'm guessing is or will be underway shortly
big hugs
xx