Potty training advice - little boys

Sian81 · #1 (**permalink**) 02-09-11, 13:29

Hi All,
It's been a while since I've used the forum but I'm having sleepless nights and wondered if anyone out there can help.

Isaac is now 2yrs 7months. Back in April he started asking to wear pants so we started with potty training. It's been up and down to say the least. He's at nursrey full time so I guess we have had to rely on them quite a lot. The constant issues are these.

1) at nursery he always has an accident at about 5pm. This is 4/5 days a week. After tea they don't run the regular loo trips because of all the parents coming to pick up kids, so he just doesn't go.

2) at home he never asks for the potty for a wee. It's always damp already by the time he gets there, sometimes really wet.

3) sometimes he holds the wee for 5/6 hrs then has an accident. This happened when we stopped reminding him to go, as per advice I got from other people about letting him take control. He has a history or urinary infections so I don't want his doing this. He says it doesn't hurt to pee now though.

I just am at my wits end, its been 4 months!
People are telling me he was too young to PT but he wanted to and its started off poretty much as expected.

Husband tells me we should just get him to go every couple of hours and he'll get it eventually, but this goes against a lot of the advice I'm getting about letting him take control. I just don't know what to do!

Has anyone else experienced this, got any tips? Or just experience of how it panned out?

Thanks so much!

DrP · #2 (**permalink**) 02-09-11, 15:58

I can't say I've much experience as I have only just started with my son who has just turned three. The one thing that stands out though is that your LO doesn't seem to be in control yet so why not keep reminding him. It's not healthy for him to hold on for so long so what is the harm in asking him every now and again if he needs to go and if not then remind him to tell you if he does. I'm sure in time he will start telling you on his own, so then just start cutting back on how often you ask if he needs to go. I have several friends whose children are well potty trained and who for the most part will head off on their own when they need to go but they still need reminding from time to time when they are busy and distracted. I would also talk to nursery about an after tea bathroom break for him. It might not be their norm to do so but he clearly needs it. I'm sure everything will fall into place eventually when he is ready but till then I would just give him all the help he needs.

cole · #3 (**permalink**) 02-09-11, 23:33

hugs hun x

My eldest was a nightmare to toilet train and only really mastered it this year (she was 5 in june) so I understand the stress and upset it causes. I would keep reminding him as it isnt good for him to hold it in. Try not to make a big deal out of him having accidents. I also found the less praise my daughter got for going toilet the better she got.

He will get there when he is ready. xxx

emmab23 · #4 (**permalink**) 18-09-11, 22:24

My little boy is 3 next month and he is dry in the day now but not at night. But it has taken a long time and even now if it seems a while since hes been to the toilet i will remind him. And if we go out i alwyas take him to the toilet before we go.

I can't see any problem in asking them if they need to go potty. Sometimes they just forget...if their busy playing it can be at the last moment before they tell you they need to go. Accidents happen...my 5 year old had one the other day because she says she forgot!

Follow your instincts.

Sian81 · #5 (**permalink**) 19-09-11, 12:21

Thanks All,

I just keep reading all these things that say they must learn to go when they need to go and not rely on you to remind or take them - its very disheartening. I think my poor little man became so stressed by it all that his whole behaviour changed. I've gone back to just taking him when I think he needs to go, every couple of hrs, to try and get him used to going again. If I just remind him he only denies he needs to go, so I'm back to actually taking him to the bathroom each time. I'm just hoping that he will soon start to tell me if he needs to go, but am I deluded on this? So many things say they will only learn this if you stop telling them to go.....

So confused and upset about it all...

Sian

DrP · #6 (**permalink**) 19-09-11, 14:59

Keep doing what you are doing, bring him regularly, ask him casually in between but don't make a big deal of it either way and let him learn it at his own rate. He probably needs to get comfortable with it all again so let him do that. I've found with my LO that if I don't make a big deal of it and just make it a casual thing we have much better results than if I make it into an issue.

Sian81 · #7 (**permalink**) 19-09-11, 19:35

Hello again,
I'm sitting here in tears after another disaster day at nursery. 3 wet accidents.
At the weekend it was fine, with me putting him on the potty every 2 hrs, but now we're back at square 1 again and he even had another accident just before his bath at home. I am starting to think we should scrap the whole thing.
My husband just says 'I don't know' and gets upset, I work full time so am so reliant on nursery but they just seem to say its not a problem when clearly it is.
I've had enough!

Sian

Kathryn34 · #8 (**permalink**) 19-09-11, 20:51

Hello,

First of all remember your son is not even three yet. My son was 3 last week and has been toilet/potty trained for a month. He started off really well and we were really happy. He had the odd accident every now and then but in general was accident free and dry at night within a couple of weeks. However, at nursery he started to poo in his pants and this moved on to weeing as well despite being accident free and still dry at night at home.

I changed his key worker to the person he interacted with most and asked them to try and spend a bit more time with him so that he felt more secure I guess. I also asked them to set up a reward chart. This has worked a treat just after a couple of days. He was accident free at nursery today and was very chuffed with his reward chart having 5 stickers on it for Monday!

Does your son know he needs a wee or a poo? Does he tell you or ask to go on the toilet?

It could be that he isn't quite ready but I would definitely speak to the nursery if you think he is ready. Ask to speak to the girls who interact with him the most and maybe ask what strategies they use if a child is having accidents.

Please do not worry - I know this is easier said than done. He will get there and although it can be worrying, it will eventually get better.

Kathryn

DrP · #9 (**permalink**) 19-09-11, 21:40

You've started now so putting him back in nappies and scrapping the whole thing would only end up confusing him more. Of course he is going to have good and bad days, try not to let them get to you. If you are getting upset by his accidents at nursery then maybe he is picking up on your stress and it is not helping him out.

Kathryn has given some great advice. Talk to the nursery, make sure that you are all following the same plan. Ask them to do their what you are doing at home so that he has consistency.

These things take time. I'm having a battle trying to get my son to use the potty. We can have several days where he will consistently try and will use it and then he will flat out refuse. But there is nothing to be gained by forcing the issue so I am just sticking to the same routine day in day out and I know that in time he will get there.

carla · #10 (**permalink**) 20-09-11, 20:59

if i was you i would talk to nursery again sounds like they are not giving to the service your paying for you both have to be doing the same thing
if nursery know he always has an accident at about 5pm why are they not taking him to the toilet? saying parents coming to pick up kids is not good enough there should still be enough staff to take children to the toilet!

many children never ask to go to the toilet till the last minute so there is nothing wrong with reminding them, i still have remind my 5yr old sometime