Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire76
Hi,
When I collected him from pre-school he asked me was I his Mummy again  and it broke my heart. |
Ok- while my daughter has some fairly major tantrums and I have been known to get annoyed with her, I have to be honest and say I think it is a fairly terrible thing to say to your son.
Claire, if I knew you in 'real' life and you told me this, I would have said to you that you shouldn't say that to your son, ever. You have said in the past that you find it hard to control your temper and he really knows what buttons to push.....he is a toddler- a baby; and it you think he is consciously making a note of what get a reaction and what doesn't- you are wrong. He just wants to get a reaction and you give him one. You said you have read 'Toddler Taming'- well the main message is that you are mainly responsible for his behaviour.
It is your responsibility to control yourself- and if he knows what buttons to push- then switch them off! Toddlers want attention- be it good or bad. I have worked with some disturbed older children and they have said- even someone shouting at me is better that nothing- no attention. You say the HV said what a naughty boy he is- well you and your hubby are the main influence on his life, so take responsibilty for it.
I know I am going to get a load of flak for this- but I thought long and hard about a reply and I didn't want other people to read what you said and use it to justify saying that to their child.
I am NOT perfect but I make a massive effort not to shout at my LO- my mum shouted at us all the time and it meant nothing to me; she shouted in front of others and at home and it become meaningless. My daughter is not perfect and I am in no position to judge anyone but I feel that saying nothing is condoning what you said.
I understand how hard it is and I spend a lot of time on my own with my daughter too- but perhaps you need to get some help so you can cope with his demanding behaviour.
I am sure I will offend you and others too- which wasn't my intention- but I really think that if you are at the stage of desparation that you say that to your boy, then you need to find someone to help you.
All the best though
CarlaK